Burns, on the skin.

 Superiority complex is a thing that I terribly have conflict with, mostly with the friendships I possess with others. Ironically, I probably have it myself, but I still suck it up. Oh well, it doesn't matter because it's not bad to suck it up, but I really don't want to do that anymore.

Let me explain, I won't mention any names, but I felt racially isolated based off a remark one of my friends made. And how does this connect to superiority complex? Well, basically, it happens when other people appear, when other people who are friends of friends most of the time, appear. 

Let's iron out the details without affecting any parties:

• The friend will be called "Person A"
• The friend of a friend will be called "Person B"

Person B appeared today when I was outside with Person A before we went to pre-calculus class together. Normal, yes, because our teacher wasn't here immediately. We met and spoke for a bit, until Person B appeared. Actually, I knew Person B prior in elementary, especially since my mother knows his mother. 

So what happens? Person A targets my race, and it kills me inside, honestly. He says "This is my favorite pinoy boy." 

Yes, I'm a Filipino teenager, I'm from an island over in the SEAN (Southeast Asian Nations). Yes, it was probably "meh", just a joke or some BS I could make up here, but it felt more like racism, this is only the start of this story.

Pinoy boy? That seems like a joke nickname, but it's alienating for me, like, why would I need my race to be mentioned here? Let alone, my own name is never mentioned, he just points with no hesitation and pokes me.

Anyways, Person B just says, "I can tell, through his face.", that isn't anything relevant, but I tell Person B I've known him before in elementary school. He doesn't remember and asks my name, pretty innocent. I say "Jacob Lee", because that is my biological name (Not Jake Leol as some might recognize)

He claims I'm not a pinoy because the last name "Lee" is actually Chinese. (Which is the case since my grandfather is purely Chinese), I had to explain I am partly Chinese, but the response was more like an arrow hitting a weakness. This is why you never show the heart, never show your Achilles' Heel, let alone anything that can become a target. And that's my mistake, he says "Well, that must suck." Not much, but a lot for me to eat up.

It doesn't end well, Person A and B talk about this stuff relating to the Philippines, I didn't hear it good since that convo wasn't relevant to my brain. It ends because Person B has to go to his class, which I assume is somewhere down the hall, I don't know and don't care. Anyways, he leaves with a colorful remark of "Fuck the Philippines, Fuck pinoys." 

It's bad, yes, I'm over that now, but back there, in that situation, man it was heavy. And what did I do? Nothing came out. And yes, like The Moldy Peaches, nothing indeed came out when I wanted to say something. I stayed silent, and it's painful.

Now, what can I learn from this? Well, I really wanna toughen up now, I might start having to say shit back, I know it's not really me, but anyone would know that any human, including me and both persons (A and B), are judgmental, and well, we're all humans anyways. 

My dad told me that I really shouldn't label myself. And that's really true. If you don't make yourself feel good, let alone feel better than others, then insults won't work. Trust me, you can be called "sucky", "stupid", "bad at anything", "loser" or "garbage", but it won't work if you don't consider yourself "Better than others".

Why? Because the insults cannot break your label you gave to yourself. If there is no medal, there cannot be no damage. Really helpful, you have to eliminate that competition, that self-like, it's almost nihilistic, but it's really true. It's like being called a monkey as an insult. You ARE a monkey, you're a primate, so that insult let alone doesn't work because it's like a law, a fact.

But really, that situation sucked, it made me feel isolated. But now I learn that is really the key to replying. People will be stupid, like me, like you, but really, when a person sees themself, they are scared, because all their insecurities are revealed like a mirror.

Oh well, that's all I guess. Burns on the skin will heal,